Monday, November 6, 2017

Sugar Skulls and Dead Ends

It's I guess somewhat known that being sick triggers tachycardia episodes. It wasn't a surprise when I was awoken at 4AM, barely lucid enough to grab my husband's hand for help, with my heart moving so fast I thought it would just explode. 

This is how it goes. 

I have days now where I forget what I'm dealing with. But the days where I'm sick feel like I can't handle anything.

I spent the night right after Halloween in sleep observation, and apparently for naught since no sleep apnea was detected again. Our festivities were a minimum of dressing up, watching seasonal movies, and trick-or-treating. Which felt simultaneously good and depressing. Overscheduling is never a good idea for young kids and those who care for them, but at the same time, this is our favorite holiday. 

I didn't get to do a lot of handmade stuff. I probably wouldn't have even had a functional bat costume for my toddler without my best friend rescuing some pieces for us. 

All I can think is next year will be better. 

But with this still going on, and what feels like only half-inch progress toward a real answer for what is going on with my health, I wonder if next year will be better.

On the other hand, I was once told there would not be "next year", so that's something. Hope counts for a lot. It even allows you at times to catch your breath.

I had a small episode before taking everyone to decorate sugar skulls, something we try to do each Day of the Dead holiday. I medicated myself, watched the timing on how long it took to come down from the high heart rate and transient blood pressure, and went right the hell out anyway. And we had a great time. I've talked before, pretty early on this blog, about stealing those happy moments when dealing with chronic illness.

It's what makes the bad days get-through-able. 

It's what gives you pieces of your life back once it gets shattered by this stuff, and believe me, it does. 

All that said, I'm hoping to recover from the respiratory virus quickly and enjoy another one of my favorite months-it's pow- wow time, it's bake-all-the-great-things time, it's leaf-collection time. And shopping for Christmas time. Those are all great things to look forward to.

And yeah, I'm attempting National Novel Writing Month. I do every year. I have no idea how it will go, but I won't stop trying. We may even be able to schedule a write-in locally this year...

Happy November. 

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